I have recently been encouraged my a few people close to me that I should blog...or write a book. Hmmm, I think I will start with a blog. Seems to be less pressure. My life is made up of 3 kids, a husband who may as well be a kid himself, and what one can only call a string of errors that you just have to sit back and laugh at. My blogs will not always be this long, but in order to give you a good look at my life and it's errors I feel the need to give you as much background as I can.
I am, on a daily basis, challenged by one of my kids, or my husband, or a customer who has the pleasure of dealing with me. And everyday I plow through it and then sit back at the end of it all and ask my self...are you kidding me?!? But now and again all I can do is laugh. I mean really, when you live this crazy life I have, if you can't laugh, you may as well be in a padded room by yourself.
This blog will be about the extremes in my life. Today, Extreme #1...Kids.
We went from not being able to have any kids (our first was still born, but that's a story for another day), to BAM, we had three...in a row. Yep, they are 5,6, and 8. (And might I add that at this moment my 5 year old is barking. Why, you ask? Heaven only knows...this is one of said challenges I mentioned earlier).
I love my kids, they are gifts from God, and everyone who knows me knows I can not live without them...but can I just say that once in awhile this mom needs a break?!?! Forget showering alone, eating while the food is hot, enjoying a rainy day nap, or heaven forbid, going to the bathroom without a tapping at the door. I've learned that those small things are not small things at all, they are monumental...IF you get to enjoy them alone!! You moms out there can sympathize I bet :) 10 years ago I Was told I would never have kids, it just wasn't in the cards for me. And all I ever wanted to be was a mom. It took some adjusting but we figured, hell, we will keep trying and maybe, just maybe it will all work out. Well things have a way of working out in mysterious ways. After weloming my son, who is now almost 9 and currenty thinks I am the biggest moron alive, we decided we would try one more time for a girl. 22 months later we got her. She is almost 7 and may as well be turning 16 because the only word I can use to describe her is "diva". So here I Was, amazed that I had two perfect children, a boy and a girl. Every mother's dream. I was done trying, I had eveything I ever wanted. They slept through the night at 3 months, never cried, and were the happiest little things. Here comes the BAM. When my daughter was 3 months old...yep, you guessed it. Oops. Here comes baby #3! And as I always say "Are you flipping kidding me??!!". This must be our destiny I Said, so we awaited her birth with great joy and excitement. Now, she came early, and we couldn't hold her, feed her, nothing, for a week. This was a huge challenge for me. This also taught me that I am so very lucky to have them all. I could not wait to bring her home (she is my third, and LAST, and she is my biggest challenge. Brace yourself...she's a wild one!)
We finally got her home and it was heaven. Three kids, who would have guessed! I was basking in the glow of my beautiful little family and up walks the middle child, she is only 1 when we bring this baby home. I figure she is going to kiss her new baby sister. Boy was I wrong.She looked at her, looked at me, looked at her and said "MY Mommy" and wacked the baby in the face with a book. Winnie the Pooh was never so tough as in that moment. I sat there, stunned. My daughter had just beaten the baby with a book!! How do you punish a one year old for jealousy?? Well I put her in her room. Ummm duh dumb mommy, there's toys in there! Geez, lesson learned for me too.
(Let me just say real quick that she never hit her again and now they are either best freinds or worst enemies, depending on what day it is. )
Well the dr told us my health just was not good enough to have another "oops" so being the hero that he is, my dear husband took one for the team and went in for a vesectomy.
OK can I just say, men are weenies!!!! I droped him off at 7 am. The dr told me to come back in about an hour. I ran some errands with three kids...always a joy and I can talk more about those outtings later. I went back to the surgery center and the nurse filled me on the procedure. Now here I am, thinking he getting sliced open and his manhood compromised. Nope. Ladies, they have it SO flipping easy. He got put under, they "snipped" him with a lazer...no scar, nothing. Then, get this, they send him home with not one, but TWO bottles of vicodin!!! Can you believe it?? I have had human life ripped from me 4 times and I got tylenol!!! You got to be asleep and you get real drugs!! Oh my goodness, I wanted to smack that dr's glasses right off his face. For the next two days my husband carries on as if HE is the one who just had the baby. By day three I threw a frozen bag of pees at him and said no, those are not for your wound, they are for dinner so get your ass up and cook! he looked at me like I just killed his puppy. "but honey", he says, "I just had surgery..." OH you are right sweet husband, you did just have surgery. here let me take a knife and cut open your stomach and remove an 8 pound watermelon. Then I will sew you back up and make you walk around even though it feels like your insides are going to fall through your crotch onto the floor! Yep, that did the trick, he got up and made (And by made, I mean ordered) dinner.
Tomorrow I shall dive into what happens when your children get ahold of Hershey syrup, sugar, and honey on a new floor...
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