So the other day I introduced my self, my other half, and my kids. I got a good laugh as I wrote about things I have long since forgotten. Today I am hoping for the same. I have learned in my years as a mom that I can no longer control the state of my home. I used to be a fenatic with my cleaning. So much so, my friends dubbed me Monica Gellar. After 3 kids, I have lost the battle. My vacuum sits in a closet longing for the days when it and I would spend our afternoons together. My rubber gloves got up and walked out on me, and my duster is no longer soft, she has turned hard in my absence. My windows have so many finger prints one would think I had an army of small minions with suction cup hands living here.
There have been many messes in my days as a mom that literally pushed me over the edge past anger and right into laughter while saying "Are ya flipping kidding me?!?!" Let's forget for a moment about boogers on walls, poop on the floor, toothpaste on the mirror,and milk in the carpet. No let's talk about REALLY bad messes.
We learned the hard way that once kids have been in a car for 20 hours traveling they need to run...and then run some more. We arrived home at 3 in the morning from our annual trip to the beach at Thanksgiving. The kids were 1,2 and 4 at the time. Now naturally they slept nearly the whole way home...I mean really there's not much else do in a car at that point. When we got home at 3 in the morning we put them in their beds and crashed. Silly us. How dare we think they would sleep!! Now, I had never slept with my kids awake before and I just couldn't keep my eyes open. We made sure any potential hazards were put up, gates in place, and told them they could play quietly in one of their rooms for an hour. All I wanted was an hour. Well I goofed and slept for three. I woke up in a panic...where were the kids, what kind of mother am I?!?! You will be relieved to know, all three of them were sound asleep in the youngest's crib (A cute picture I might add). I Was feeling so relieved, and truthfully so lucky that they had actually played together and not caused any trouble. Then I walked to the kitchen for coffee. And there it was. The mother of all messes. I think for a breif moment I stopped breathing.
Hershey's chocolate syrup. Honey. Sugar. Handprints. Oh My Gosh. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream...and all I could do was laugh. I was so over tired and sleep deprived that all I could do was fall to the floor and laugh until I could not breathe. My husband wakes at this point, hearing my laughter, and comes to the kitchen and just stood there. He had no words. I had no words. Together, we just laughed. Now, that laughter felt amazing. What was not so amazing, however, was the fact that I Was left on my own to clean it up. I was no longer laughing. What the hell gets honey unsticky?!?!? i soon realize this chocolatey goodness of a mess in under the oven, the fridge,the dishwasher and seepng into the cracks of where the floor (the NEW floor) meets the cabinets.
God bless my husband, I love him dearly, but sadly, he is useless. Just leave it he says, let's make the kids clean it up. Really? Sure, let's have the toddlers do it, that's brillinat! Heaven only knows where the mess would go then!! I told him if I had to clean this up then he was on diaper duty and he better get them out of the house for awhile because those cute little faces could not save them from my fury!
I cleaned....and cleaned....and cleaned. I had to wash the floor no less than 5 times to get it unsticky. I used 5 buckets of steaming hot water and almost an entire bottle of amonia. I finally was able to get it right. I sat in the middle of the floor exhausted. These kids were creative, I'll give them that. And really, I told them to play together didn't I? I sat there in my sparkling clean kitchen knowing that it was just beginning. I will never have a "clean" house again. If it's not honey or chocolate, it will be mud, or crumbs, or apple cores, or goldfish. Damn. But I thought, I have three adorable babies who areso full of life and imagination, it never occured to them that this was "wrong". I resolved at that moment to never get angry at a mess (5 years later I have lost THAT battle with myself serveral times). I told myself when they come home from the park just enjoy them, love them, forget the mess.
They came home and all three ran to me. I scooped them up and hugged them and loved them just like I knew I should. My son, the 4 year old, says "mommy you want coffee?" Oh he was so cute. "Yes I do baby but mommy will get it in a minute...sissy has poop" (And when do babies NOT Have poop....NEVER!)
Well he apparently decided I needed coffee right away and before I could realize what he was doing, the entire canister of sugar was now on the floor...with the pot of coffee spilled on top of it. Damn.
I have since given up coffee. Stay tuned for my adventures in grocery shopping!
Hilarious :)
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